The story so far...

Before I start into the future, I'd like to write of what has been.
It took me some nail biting and brooding to finally come to this decision. It really wasn't easy. But if I am to write honestly about this, I have to start at the beginning.

We were so naive, and so incredibly happy, during the first year after marriage. By the second year we were thinking like, hell, what are we doing wrong? After a few tentative queries and answers with more experienced friends, we established we were infact not doing anything wrong. Then the question was reluctantly raised. What was wrong with her?
I confess I was the MCP then. I never thought, is there something wrong with me? No sir. That couldn't happen, could it?
So we went to the gynaecologist and did a lot of tests. To be fair to the good doctor, she asked me at the beginning if I had my semen checked. Boy, was I shocked!
No, I didn't think there was a need for that.
Was I sure?
Of course I was. I was that naive.
Well, it's your money, the doctor didn't say. My wife kept silent too.

After all the tests, it took me a month to go to the lab. I took me an hour to finally bring myself to go inside and 'state the problem'. I cannot say how difficult it was, that first time. (Since then, of course, I've come a long way. Now it's more like, you want it? give me a minute. )

As luck would have it, my wife was with me when I went to collect the result. If I was alone, I probably wouldn't have made it home. I was shocked, and to be honest, scared to death. The result said, 'no spermatozoa seen'.
I hit the sack and stayed there for two whole days. On the third day I 'woke up' and hit the internet. It took me an hour to finally convince myslef I wasn't the only one in the world - and that infertility was not impotence. Well,what a relief. As if I didn't know.

I wasted still more money - and time - rechecking the results at widely scattered labs - what if it was a geographical error? Finally, I went to a specialist. I didn't take my wife along. It wasn't her problem anymore, wasn't it? This was my enemy, and I was going to fight it alone. Boy, just thinking of my behaviour during those days make me sick. I don't know how my wife stood me.

By then, I was reading up on the problem - and growing up too, emotionally. I've done my share of tests now.
My FSH - that is, Follicular Stimulating Hormone in blood - is normal. If it's too high, there has to be testicular malfunction. I guess it's like this. If the testes are not functioning, the body tries to stimulate it my generating more FSH. Since the hormone level is normal, it has to be okay.
Semen fructose was also normal. The first conclusion was a 'block'.
Then came a testicular biopsy. That, to my relief, turned up a 'few sperms'. Guys, I asked them mentally, 'you playing hide and seek?'

The final verdict was IVF, or in-vitro fertilization. I balked at that. It didn't seem natural to me, and I wanted a second opinion, and I wanted to learn more about it. And, of course, I wanted to think about it. I've been thinking about it, on and off, stalling for time and hoping for a miracle, the last six months. I guess the time's come now to take a decision.

Okay, here are the lessons I learned, for what they are worth.

1. If you feel you need to see a doctor, go to a specialist first. Don't leave it to the last.
2. Get the semen test done, before any other test. Go to a specialist lab, where the process is not too stressful.
3. Finally, always take your partner along with you.

People, thanks for all the comments. I was so surprised by them, because I really started the blog just to take the weight off my chest. The world has a habit of reminding you, once in a while, that it really is a nice place.