Mission:Baby

Happy birthday!

2012-02-06T11:35:00.003-05:00

Bonne Fête Tricia!!! Je t'aime!!!

I am doing great. I had an episode of feeling sick but not to vomit stage. It lasted about 10 minutes until i got my lemon and ginger drink ready to go. So far just 2 super bad, and i think 2 like oh i think i should eat episodes (which goes away so fast and its really nothing) I am still tired. but i am sure that will never go away. so i am pretty lucky, i am today, 11w and 2 days and on feb 15th ill have my ultrasound for prenatal screening. in the evening still my belly bloats out, its funny/cute.

at the moment I am just so happy with my life (other than this headache ive had since before bed last night). Iza loves her new job, I am getting though my courses, my best friend has a beautiful baby (my godson) and we are pregnant. How could I not be happy, I am in bliss.

and my sweetie bought me an ipad! we were going to take some dvd and cds to the pawn shop and she went in to see if they were buying, and she saw the ipad. Because I was telling her, once im huge and have a baby, an ipad would be amazing. she is so great. so she bought it before I went in there for a surprise for valentines day. she cant get by any surprises from me! its wifi only (all i wanted i dont want to pay for the internet when i have it already) 16 gb, and its like brand new. awesome.

something else that i thought was neat. i read on some blog, i cant remember at all. about regrowing your green scallions. and look! it works!

i just put in the white part, and watched it grow, i think this was almost 2 weeks of growing. Isnt that great! im going to keep doing that, see if i can reuse the same bottoms. You could have an endless supply of green onions and never have to buy them again! super awesome!

2 year wedding anniversary

2012-01-31T14:21:00.002-05:00

Yesterday we had our second wedding anniversary. We went to eat at a Mexican resto. Because all i want is salsa, sour cream and guac. I cant get enough of that combination. I ordered fajitas, which i have ordered once before a long time ago and couldnt eat all the 5 tortillas, well, last night, i ate all 5, it was amazing. Thanks for help from the baby.

Which by the way, still not much going on. Just belly getting a bit bigger. but very bloated in the evening. looks like i have an iceberg underwater. haha.

Also, has anyone had this thought. when you make L0ve with your partner, dont you just feel like you are creating a huge earthquake in there, or a tsunam.i ? because thats why i feel like. I am having a hard time getting by what is happening in that placenta. and that baby getting sea sick.

On another note, my best friend gave birth to her son on January 28th. I am so excited to see him in 23 days!!!! My little godson, yay!

Busy week

2012-01-27T16:17:00.003-05:00

I made tacos last night, seriously, so good, i think that it was the guac that i made which stepped it up a notch. Just the combination of crunchy and yummy, is all i want.

I am wearing my first 'maternity' clothing. How could I know go back to life without an elastic strap around my belly. Please, tell me how I am supposed to do that?

Then when I was in the shower I thought, hmmm, ok, when some people give birth how is their hair situation downstairs. I dont know if ill keep doing my trim with a bit of shave or let it go. Im not quite sure yet, but i think that it is a valid question. I dont think the person at the other end really cares (the dr) because s/he has seen a million of them, well, at least my delivering doctor has.

Also, even though I am not working, I find myself so busy, its the school for sure. Today I didnt get much of my homework/studying done today. Thats ok, having an off week like that is ok.

Tonight izas cousin is coming sleeping over, then josee (sil) is coming over so we can watch The devils inside, then back to josees for dinner. It will be in french, because all of the english is playing only late at night because the showing of the movie is almost over. This will be the first time Ive watched a movie in the theater in french. But its a horror movie, i think ill get it for sure. haha.

well those are my rants for the day. Im making pizza tonight, my dough is rising in the oven now. MMMMMM.

2 month mark

2012-01-23T08:41:00.003-05:00

We spent the weekend at my belle meres house (mother in law) mom and iza went to watch the movie underworld in 3d, and i was sleeping at the house. here i am reading my textbook for school.on the way to moms house this was all i wanted to eat. salsa, lettuce, sour cream and a bit of cheese. i ate the whole dang thing.
here is basil sleeping on iza's computer chair he is getting so big he cant fit on my chair.
.Saturday was my 9 week mark. here is my mother in law holding the sign for me.
nothing else too exciting. tonight i have to do a make up class for my anatomy class from before xmas break. so school 3 times this week, plus my course from a distance. wow. yes, it makes me tired just talking about it.

i am so tired. that is my main 'symptom' at the moment. never vomited, just sometimes nausea, but nothing bad. no food aversions, boobs hurt on and off. iza says they are so heavy, but i am just used to the weight now i guess. thats it. i thought i would have so much stuff happening, but i dont. everything ive read is so much different than what i am experiencing.

i have huge bloating at the end of the day, in the morning when i wake up my tummy is super small.

my bff is due in less than a month, and in a month ill be on a plane towards her to help out for a week. super excited!!

ok, off to do some cleaning and make a quiche for dinner tonight.

je suis vraiment nul eh ?

2012-01-19T08:54:00.002-05:00

All I do is sleep, if not sleep. i just dont move, i dont feel like it. other than school i love my space at home. but of course its like -20 outside, and who wants to 'play' in that.

and whats bad, i dont write on my blog, and i dont really go on others blogs at the moment im just to blah to do anything. i guess im pregnant eh? haha

so i will just concentrate on my school, get it done.

there are projects that i want to do at the moment, but i cant seem to pull my butt up to do it. the only thing that i am motivated to do, because i have to get up to do it, is school. thats it.

last night i really was craving onion rings in a wrap. i havent ate my craving yet, we will see how that goes today.

i put dinner in the crockpot. love that thing. its all ready when i dont feel like moving, and my wife still gets feed. lol.

maybe tonight we will go to a future lesbian/gay parents workshop, we cant go all the time because soon we will do prenatal classes and it will interfere with that. but its called coalition des familles homoparentales. they do lots of activities together and just different workshops about schools and how it effects the kids and support groups and stuff like that. you can even see a link online for it.

alors, c'est tout. i am going to my homework and see what i can get done today. plus a nap, and im happy.

i promise soon much more to write about, with pictures. and ill comment soon, i promise.

8w2d

2012-01-16T10:08:00.002-05:00

I havent been on here much have I.

at the moment i am so tired, its 10:10 and i think ill nap already. crap. i was going to take the new car we got in to the shop because the tire keeps going flat. well its very flat now. iza still wants me to drive it to the gas station and put air in it. and i refuse to drive a brand new car on a rim in the snow. so i am waiting for what she wants me to do next. and yes of course she is at work. and i am at home, and never had to deal with the car before. so i am a bit lost and all i want to do is sleep.

but i also have to get outside to get a telephone wire because, the other one got chewed on by our lovely cat.

oh ya. its been busy around here.

7 weeks 5 days and ultrasound

2012-01-12T13:52:00.005-05:00

i
Ok, so nausea is slowly settling in.. Just slowly in the morning, and not a lot.

It was my first week back at school. which was great! but it totally cut into my sleep time that i was doing before. 8-8. lol.

i have a class at 630pm to 930 pm
then on wednesday from 9 am -1 pm. (see the sleep cut!)

and today i just registered for another class, a class i can do at home through distance, which is going to be so hard!!! omg. remember your grade 10 science with the periodic table of elements and all that electricity current. ya thats it. so i can at least do that at home. I cant take a class of it, because it will interfere with the other classes i have.

snow. holly snow outside. its snowing like crazy, so i am glad i got that registration done this morning, but tomorrow morning im going to do some shopping so i hope it stops by then!!

ok ok, you are waiting for the ultrasound picture... lol...

I saw my little goji berry!! it was a quick ultrasound. he put the wand in, couple pics and wand out. I saw the heart beating in that little blob!! it was so awesome. unfortunately iza couldnt make it to the ultrasound.

now it feels real. i saw something. i KNOW something is in there. and this is awesome. wow. and now i am starting to stick out a bit more. CRAZY!!

all of this is super awesome.
i had it on pdf before, so i had to kind of take a picture of a picture. You see it!??
there it is!! my little goji berri!

7 weeks and 1 day

2012-01-08T09:22:00.002-05:00

Not much to report.

I am at home all day organizing this and that to try and make more room in the house, and empty out the spare room. so far so good. not done yet. I am just waiting for spring to come before i take out the patio set. no rush for that.

On the preggo front.

Just sore boobs.
No nausea
no vomiting
no weird cravings
sometimes i nap, but if i dont i sleep at 7-7 or 8 am easily with the occasional pee break.
i eat and eat
i do not look preggo at all, sometimes i look bloated and that goes away.I look basically normal in the belly, that scares me sometimes, like shouldnt i show or barf or something ?

wednesday is the first u/s so ill have more to update on. like seeing the baby.

Was everyone showing at all at week 7 ???

Eve/thank you/6 weeks

2011-12-31T10:15:00.004-05:00

First, Happy New Year/Buon Anno!!!!

I hope that everyone has a great evening with their loved ones, or have a great evening sleeping through it. lol.

Second, Thank you so much to L&J and babies @ Defining Family

I received a package yesterday afternoon. So wonderful!!! You rock !! thank you so much, and Iza super appreciated it.

Third,

Update at 6 weeks.
I nap sometimes, I am tired. I wake up sometimes to eat, alot of times to pee. I find that I am eating more. I eat then I am hungry right away. I am trying still to get an ultrasound & bloodtest for the 12 week downs.syndrome testing. You can get them free, but of course, everything is full. So if i dont have an appointment by the time I go to my fertility clinic jan 11th, then I will make an appointment with them, and it will cost 450 (but insurance will cover most of it).

Then leaving February 23rd am, I will be going to Prince George to hopefully be there when my best friend gives birth to her baby!! So tricia, keep your legs closed!!

I was going to take a picture this morning, but im still in my jammies so ill update this with a picture by the afternoon.

Buon Natale a tutti!!

2011-12-25T07:29:00.002-05:00

I got my christmas present, a growing angel in my growing belly. I am so thankful. This time next year we will have a 4 month old. Sounds so wild.

Thank you everyone for your support over this process. Its so great to have others out there going through the same thing, and everyone supporting and encouraging each other.

Merry christmas everyone!

How it works for me..

2011-12-23T14:06:00.002-05:00

Today was my last day of work.

I saw my family doctor who filled out papers for me for cs.st.

I will explain to my american friends.

Here in quebec, because i work in a daycare and my age group i can catch many disease from them, like the 5th disease, or cmv, or other things. Its a leave. I will get paid i think it is 90% of my wage for the duration of my pregnancy. Then after I have my baby, i am on maternity leave. Which is a lower percentage and that depends on how much time i take, 1 year, less or more than a year. Iza will also have 5 weeks parental leave paid, and she can take that at any time she wants to. and she can break it up. or i can exchange with her the time.

i am still learning more about it. but thats the jist of it.

I will not return to work for the new year. I am done. When my maternity leave is done, i do have my same job with my same position back. (if i take it)

I am not sure the exact facts are in the rest of the provinces of canada but that is how it works in quebec.

we also have different kinds of daycares. You have private daycares that can cost from 30-60+ a day. and you will get refunded a big amount back of that. and quarterly if wanted (something like that) or you have C.P.E's which are 7 dollar a day daycares. subsidized by the govt.

iza has a daycare at her work, and she will put our name on that so when we want a place we have it. Or as well, i have a spot in the daycare that i work at no problem. but its 52 dollars a day there. i would rather have the 7 dollar its easier on the pocket book in the beginning.

so thats that.

i think ill take another nap.lol

the current year will bring you much happiness.

2011-12-22T20:52:00.003-05:00

So when I said i had 155 as my beta, i was wrong, I guess i got so excited when she said i was pregnant that when i was crying and asking the number i remembered it wrong.

thats normal, no ?

so first beta 137 at 15 dpo
and second beta 315 at 17dpo

oh and my first ultrasound on january 11th at 230!

yay!

I magically got an appt when i called. at first i said. i need an appt with my dr... ok, end of feburary. um. no i said. my dr is waiting for me. im pregnant and i work in a daycare. i got sent to a voicemail. then 5 seconds later i was told to come around 8 for the walk in (no appt). then 20 minutes later another call saying. my appt is at 945 with my dr.

then magically i got another appointment on january 24, and feburary 21 with her.

I called the midwife today, and got a voicemail back saying call back. its phone tag. I hope i get one! Its free here in quebec so of course there is a line for them.

and at work. is another story. my boss is being horrible. saying stupid comments on how preventative leave isnt necessary. it made me so upset i was crying when i got back upstairs. i have support from my other educators which is nice. I will go to the doctor and see what she says will be my last day. because it will be soon. i think the first 2 weeks of january.

this is all so crazy.

oh and while i was eating at that chinese resto with my classmates after my exam my fortune cookie said.

the current year will bring you much happiness.

wild.

i am so tired. we ordered pizza, i ate a bunch, then slept, and woke up to write this then ill go back down for the night. i am having cramping and it hurts. ill survive.

Im still calm

2011-12-21T18:23:00.003-05:00

So it all started sunday. When iza brought back a dollarstore test. Always wondered if they really work. Well, they do.

I always knew what i was going to write like. holy shit, or omfg. something to that effect. I havev nothing. i am still calm about it. weird.

symptoms

Sore boobs,
zits on back,
one on my eye!
tired. bed super early
cramps, just like af, still have it
dry cm

Tuesday I did my beta. 155... at 15 dpo. I am still unsure what that means, but my second beta is tomorrow, so i will be able to update that later. i really want to know that the second number is.

I used to have such a nice flat belly, like niceeee and flat. Its gone, i am a bit sad about that. But iza reassures me... Babe, your pregnant. My boobs are still huge, and the peeing all the time has started. I told work today. because ill have to stop. I am thinking january 13th. it would be sooner but i just know a couple girls are on vacation and i feel for them. not my boss.

im 4weeks and 4 days. Last period first day was november 19. I will go to my dr friday sometime and get my paperwork started to stop work. The daycare is closed starting after tomorrow and back up january 3rd.
so here it is. MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!

Hello lurkers!

2011-12-16T19:19:00.002-05:00

How are all of you doing.. dont be shy, say hi, tell a joke, dance like no one is watching, something!

Happy holidays to all of you!

It is friday night.

it is...

7 dp 3pt... therefore 10 dpo.. cd 26

boobs the same, a little less.
Cramping all the time, feels like af pain
think i had heartburn today, but ive never had it before.it burned when i ate.
nothing else.

my rear is starting to get bruised, and iza is now used to giving me needles.

so thats that. where im at. i am just excited for vacation!

always questions

2011-12-14T07:43:00.001-05:00

All i have is full, huge, sore boobs. But thats probably from the prog.

thats all i have. I hate not being able to feel anything. I go through others blogs just to read if someone has written down something at the time. but really i feel nothing.

and thats normal

normal to feel nothing.

i hate that.

i need to just validate that there is something in there. I dont mind puking if thats what it takes!

3dp 3/4pt

2011-12-11T18:16:00.002-05:00

I am back from the chalet. It was so nice there. i sadly could not participate in all the champagne drinking, sauna doing, hot tub sitting and pool swimming. just my feet dangling in the pool.

fell asleep on the way home, then had a 2 hour nap, and i could go to sleep again now. but i havent eaten dinner yet.

i just want crunchy stuff. just eat anything crunchy. crisp. i think ill go to the store to get some sprouts.

ive been having super weird dreams. crying in them. and wake up crying, after ive woken up to pee a couple times, ill have 3 or 4 dreams a night.

sweating at night time. not normal for me.

so i think today is 3dp4pt... or is it 3 pt? do you count the morning of monday as fertalization, thursday afternoon was the transfer. who knows, this is confusing abbreviations.

back to work tomorrow

4 dp 4 dt... ?? what is it ?

2011-12-09T09:59:00.002-05:00

so what would today be called ?

you know those magical words that everyone writes, that i cant even believe that I am writing ?

retrieval was monday, transfer was thursday, so what is today ?

can someone help me with that?

bed

2011-12-08T15:28:00.003-05:00

i am horizontal at the moment. Good thing i can type without looking at the keyboard.

i got my call this morning at work to say my transfer would be at 2 pm. out of the 6 i had 4 left. by the time transfer happened, i had 2, 8 cell. and 2, 7 cell. so one was transferred and the other 3 are being frozen! i have some left over! its fucking awesome.

the transfer went really well. i didnt feel anything. my bladder wasnt full enough so they put more liquid inside. it didnt hurt. the only thing that hurt was pushing on my full bladder with the ultrasound wand!

the past couple days since starting the prog. is sore boobs, and peeing, my god, i pee so much its crazy.

I will be hortizontal all day tomorrow and instead of leaving with everyone to the chalet friday night, im going to leave with a co worker saturday morning. she has a new baby so she leaves the sat and we all leave on sunday.

blood test is on the 20th at 9:40. then the second 2 days later. yup

i say i am preggos now!

i go for my acu appt at 8 tonight.

dividin!

2011-12-07T07:07:00.002-05:00

ok so my call yesterday was.

12 removed, 10 mature, 6 fertilized.

last time it was

9 removed, 5 mature, 2 fertilized,

Im up by 4! and last time the transfer was on day 3 and even that last one didnt make it.

So i will get a call thursday morning, to let me know when transfer day is. If there are 4 or more still kickin it, then transfer is on the weekend. less than 4 transfer quicker. She said blasoyc.st. is better to transfer, better pregnancy. I just hope i have something to put in! that means i might not get to go to my xmas party, we leave for the chalet friday night come back sunday. WHATEVER, i want a baby!

funny thing is, after switching donors 3 or 4 times, im back to the very first donor we ever tried, its doing great!

more news tomorrow....

12

2011-12-05T20:27:00.002-05:00

there was 12 removed.

its the 12th month

interesting.

and if this all goes through to transfer( which it will) it will be technically the 12th time.

i have been sleeping all day. Just came to say im alive. and im going back to bed.

thinking 12's

no breakfast

2011-12-05T06:12:00.002-05:00

I am up. its 6 am. My mother in law, and iza are eating breakfast. I cant have breakfast or tea. so water is my meal.

we are leaving at 7 to get to the clinic for 8. My mother in law will be with me in the room as i do this lovely retrieval.

Iza will pick us up after. then its home for bed and gatorade, then. eating. because i like to eat and i cant go too long without eating.

I know what to expect now. I am still very nervous. but i know what will happen. .

Next week

2011-12-03T10:04:00.002-05:00

Well, Today I wait for a phone call for what time I am to take my HC.G shot. Removal is on monday.

Yesterdays appointment showed a couple 18s, a 19, and lots of 16s. My lining is at 10.99. I have continued with the pure.o.gon and repro last night.

Iza is still very sick, so on monday she will drive me, and my sister in law cannot come now. So it will be my mother in law. It will be a bit hard, because both speak french and if i am half baked it will be a little interesting speaking frenglish to my mother in law.

Then they do a 3- 5 day transfer, depending on the dividing. I am not looking for quantity here. im looking for quality. I would love one juicy egg, and one as back up. because i had 2 last time, and neither made it. therefore, no transfer.

I have made my request at work for not working monday, wednesday, thursday or friday. then on friday evening i am leaving to a chalet for my xmas party, where i wont do much. study and do a coupon workshop. haha.

Happy weekend to all!

Tomorrow a big day ?

2011-12-01T20:12:00.002-05:00

At this moment i am just tired of everything. I cant wait for vacation. The daycare is closed from dec 23- jan 2. so back to work on the 3rd.

I just am waiting for some great news at xmas time. It would be so amazing.

My poor wife has bronchitis and laryngitis at this moment. she is out like a light in bed with the cats.

Tomorrow i have my other ultrasound. I feel a lot of pinching on my right side. I must be getting full inside. I have super amazing egg white. like the best ive ever seen, its wild. I dont know if thats good or bad before anything happening. lol.

So tomorrow its at 7:40 again, and I will have news as to what will happen next for my retrieval. I thinkkkkkkkkkkk it will be sunday. take the needle tomorrow night, and go in on sunday. thats my guess.

so keeping positive on this baby front. i am just so busy with other things at the moment that i dont think about it too much really. School, exams, i make the family xmas dinner, so planning that, the work xmas party next weekend. and looking forward to vacation. no school, hopefully i can bring out my sewing machine and do something with it. ive touched it once since last year. brand new, my mother in law bought it for me.

dont know how to finish, my brain isnt here.

Human Pin cushion.

2011-11-29T21:32:00.005-05:00

So this mornings appointment was .... an appointment. I am just so sick of going there. The only great thing was that my appointment was at 740 so i was only 30 minutes late for work. I go back on friday, until then i just keep jabbing with needles. its 3 a day until friday.

There are follicles growing. 17 one side 12 the other. Biggest is 13mm. Cd10. So i had to take the antagon.ist shot in their office. And i just shot up with Repro, and pur.eg.on.

I am a pin cushion, a strainer. Whatever it is. i just hurt.

Here is my marks from tonight. Yay.

U/S tomorrow

2011-11-28T20:23:00.002-05:00

Got back from my Acupuncture appointment today. Had 25 of them in me. I found out today when my acupuncturist goes to seminars, the same woman who treated céli.ne d.ion was the one teaching the seminar. Therefore, I had the same protocol as she did for ivf. haha. funny/weird, hopefully good, because i mean, come on she has had some babies. and some other woman that is famous too, but she is french also and i dont remember.

Tomorrow I have my first ultrasound appointment cd10. then go back to work, then go to school for the evening. Its a big day for me tomorrow.

So everyone cross your fingers for good things happening in my reproductive area!!

Off now to shoot myself up with repro!

ouch!

2011-11-25T21:05:00.001-05:00

Day 2 of repro yay for needles!

Little biscotti break ?

2011-11-23T17:26:00.001-05:00

Appts made!

2011-11-21T19:58:00.002-05:00

Got my appt.

Wednesday last of pills
thursday starting of repr.o.nex
tuesday 29th is the first ultrasound with blood test. and we will see what happens from there!

Just came back from acupuncture. love it.

Now i have to study for my anatomy test and my chinese medicine test!!!

we are on our way

2011-11-20T09:19:00.001-05:00

Its here! yay!

no af

2011-11-19T07:50:00.002-05:00

still nothing, can you believe it ?

What is this est.race doing to me ???!!! Last period october 13. I am very late. this never happens. if nothing by wednesday i have to go in for an ultrasound to see whats wrong. all of this medication is fucking up my poor body

my stash

2011-11-12T19:26:00.003-05:00

Still waiting on big red. Until then, someone asked for my stash picture.

So here it is, in all its glory, but i am forgetting some wipes that I have in a big bin not shown. :)

Today, I went to get that toothpaste, it was on sale for 3.99, normally 5.49 (at jean cou.tu where i was). i had a coupon for 3 bux. so it was 99 cents. :) The deo was on for 1.49 had a 50 cent coupon, and the vim, it was for 99 cents and i have a buck coupon, so it was free. I think it was like 13 bux for everything. Here in quebec you have to pay the tax on the sale price even though you got it for much cheaper, thats where it sucks. but thats quebec. And also we dont have double coupon day here in quebec or all the great stuff that you have in the states, if we did i would be a rock star.

I usually get my stuff for 2 bux or less, i wont spend more than 2 bux on dove shampoo, or toliet paper, or laundry.or a buck for my pads. I have a budget of 20 bux each week for ' house stuff' i dont go over that. I just really pay attention to the flyers and buy within my means. I see people who have a great stash but spend so much for it (meaning in the quantity)

so there is my stash

Good article

2011-11-07T07:05:00.001-05:00

Here is an article that I thought i would pass on here in canada

The sev.en habits of highly. eff.ective lesbi.an famili.es

something that I love

2011-11-06T20:32:00.004-05:00

I found something that completely calms me. Always when I need it.
Its the soundtrack to Amélie Poulain
Ive seen the movie a million times, and always loved the soundtrack. but its just something about the accordion that plays. Yann Tiersen is an amazing artist. Love him.

I have been taking my new pills since thursday. Just waiting for my period now so I can call them up and start taking my needle or whatever. I am just pretending to take it one day at a time, pretending that i am not thinking about it. Living that part of my life on auto=baby. So bizzare how just one thing you thought would be so simple would take so long.

L.aura Pausini- B.envenuto

2011-10-31T19:12:00.000-04:00

I love Laura!!!!!

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T18:38:00.003-04:00

Today is halloween, but my dress up days are over now. Tonight I just post about my costumes instead of wearing them. I will not be giving out candy, but have some uhhh, chocolate just in case the door rings. Have to be prepared.

Here are some pictures of me at work as Où est Charlie/where is waldo (in french they say charlie)

And my saturday party was as a coupon queen, because I coupon so much and i rock at it.
(you should see my stash, i guess i should post that. lol)

Here i am with my brother in law, a 2nd cousin, sister in law, and my mother in laws sister (aunty)
Thats that! hope your halloween was fantastic!

In one week

2011-10-27T20:45:00.003-04:00

Thanks so much for the support! Its great to have it.

A week from today I will start my pills. I am excited but trying not to think about it so much and just taking it as it is. One day at a time.

I have been doing well with my yoga each morning. Its super hard this week and next week because I open at work. There for Im losing an hour that I normally have in the morning. Once I get it back, it will happen every morning instead of every second morning. But I am so proud of myself for the self discipline every other morning for it.

Tomorrow is halloween at work. Me and the 2 girls on my floor are dressing up as..
où est charlie ?(in english, where is waldo?)I will make sure I get a picture of that, and then on saturday when I have my halloween party, i will be going as a coupon queen, if i can find some clothes around the house that I can staple to.

Pictures to come of one of my halloween costumes!

this is it

2011-10-21T18:50:00.002-04:00

Yes, I have done one round of ivf. I wasnt a complete ivf because there was no transfer. It was a conversion ivf from an iui cycle.

When I called in for my next iui appt. they told me that it is time. I will now be doing in vitro. My wait list is over.

Antagonist IVF.

I am pretty sure everyone does this one.

I will start my Estrace pills november 3rd. Then call when i start my period again.
Then injections of Repronex and then orgalutran, then the famous Hcg injection.

The funny thing is also, when we changed donors the last time, went to order again, no more. so we are back to the first donor. Which i stopped using quickly because i didnt like the customer service of the company.

I am very nervous and scared. Now that I know what exactly happens in the surgery aspect, I dont like it.

Being half unconsciousness is not fun at all. My poor wife had a hard time with it and being there while i was moaning and saying it hurt.

So this is it. We should know something around xmas. No one in the family knows but mom.

in vitro #2. here we go....

Jar of hearts

2011-10-16T20:02:00.000-04:00

Beautiful song, and a beautiful video

evening with the chinese lanterns photo essay

2011-10-15T21:13:00.003-04:00

We have our neice this weekend

2011-10-14T21:10:00.004-04:00

Iza went to pick her up in daycare and bring her back to the house.

We went to the store to get a couple of things, blueberries, her favorite. Each time she comes i make pancakes for her while iza is still sleeping. lol. and with her fruit.

We ate dinner and went to the store, and she has her own umbrella, therefore we must take that!

here are some pictures of this evening.

she just finished her bath. it was so funny she said. Candice, j'ai fait pipi dans la bain (i peed in the bath) and then laughed hard. it was so funny.

here i am posing while she takes my picture (we are at my neighbours house playing with his kid)

here is oceanna. Lilou's brother zack (my nephew) was born on the same day. Zack in the morning and oceanna in the evening. wild huh!?

Tomorrow if its not raining to bad (crossing fingers) is the chinese lanterns.

.

2011-10-13T18:41:00.001-04:00

it came. its here.

i am getting so tired of this

15 dpo

2011-10-13T07:02:00.002-04:00

nothing this morning. but last night i had a horrible nightmare of me getting my period and it was everywhere. I was crying in my dream, then of course, i was crying when i woke up.

so i still wait. I will not pee on anything until the weekend if nothing happens by then.

My promise

2011-10-12T21:33:00.002-04:00

self discipline... i need it. I have fallen out of my meditation/yoga routines. I need to take better care of myself mentally and physically.

To many thoughts cloud my head and i need to take care of my soul, my spirit.

By next week will be my morning routine again.

So here is my deceleration to myself. To be better to myself, to love myself more.

Can never get enough of Fiona Apple

2011-10-10T21:05:00.002-04:00

Never is a promise

on the bound

to your love

the way things are

some that i just sing and sing over and over again... what is your favorite apple song

weird

2011-10-10T08:56:00.003-04:00

I woke up in the middle of the night from tasting gummy bears in my mouth. I was dreaming about gummy bears, and when i woke up, I actually tasted them in my mouth. I do not eat gummy bears. Its been 7 years at least of not eating them.

what does that mean ?!

when i looked up on one website it said

to see or eat gummy bears in your dream implies that your tenacity and perseverance will pay off in the end. the dream may be telling you to be more flexible or yielding. it also symbolizes the sweet rewards in life. Consider the color of the gummy bear for additional significance

what could that mean ?!

Awww saturdays

2011-10-08T09:10:00.002-04:00

What has been going on this week.

Well, trying to study as much as I can, without lifes little hiccups. After I finish this post ill start to work on anatomy today and then tomorrow while i make a big turkey will work on my medicine.

I have to take the metro to get to school, so riding my bike to work on tuesdays is a bit impossible. so this week i had only thursday and friday to ride. its getting much colder, and much rainier. Therefore. not so much bike. Which makes me very sad. because I LOVE MY BIKE.

Iza looked after oceanna for a couple of hours. She took her to the park while i was at home studying on wednesday after i was done class.
then basil. Just before i left the house looking outside.
Its a beautiful day today, so i put my inside plants (some) outside to get some fresh air. then i have to trim them up, and get some hooks because i need to move them, basil stretches and takes the bottom leaves of things in the window sill. Bugger.

So today:
Studying.
PVR
Plant trimming
Light house cleaning.

what are you doing today ?

Obsession

2011-10-06T07:31:00.001-04:00

Great!

now something else for me to obsess about. I learned how to in class find the pulse for when you are pregnant. Then once you are pregnant in each trimester to find the pulse of the baby in a couple fingers.... THEN, to tell the sex of the baby.

oh, just perfect.

wrapping my head around it

2011-10-04T06:48:00.003-04:00

This is my chinese medicine class. All of the organs are viewed differently than in the western orthdox medicine.

The organs are seen in the tongue. base is the five elements working with the organs. I am basically learning chinese here. really.
But, I love it!

My best friend is amazing

2011-10-03T20:21:00.006-04:00

There is nothing more than I love than Pasta with lemon, mushrooms, parma, and oregano. But, I love getting mail. especially presents. who doesnt ?!

At first i thought it was a sample of something that i didnt know, because it was from someone i didnt know. then i opened it, and it was from my very best friend Tricia.

Chinese symbol for "life" with genuine stones that promote fertility. Quartz crystal, moonstone, mother of pearl and pink quartz.

Amazing, thank you so much tricia. I will call you after 9 tonight my time, but the easiest would be here for the moment.
I love it. I love you, thank you so much. I feel the energy seriously. Its great. xxxxx

girls just a wanna have fun!

2011-10-02T10:07:00.002-04:00

Last night i did karoke. The first time ever in my life not completely hammered on something. It was interesting, and I didnt do that bad! I was proud of myself. it wasnt really busy which was nice. I sang 4 songs. You say its your bday, and you get a bit more. lol. and more people scream for you.

I went with a co worker and her husband, who are from france. They sang a duet together, in french it was super cute. I had no idea what they were singing, but i was so proud that they went up and sang!

r

Yes, that is a guy, named kim. Didnt I tell you i live in the village of montreal ? He had her boyfriend video taping all of her songs.
all in all, it was great. I think iza and I could do it more often, not far from the house, and just getting a pop to drink, makes a cheap and exciting evening out!

now what ?!

2011-10-01T16:57:00.001-04:00

What the hell was that?

this morning, brownish on tp. then around noon, brownish spotting. now stopped.

oh my poor uterus. all these drugs im giving her.

2011-09-30T17:59:00.002-04:00

je l'ai mais pas ton numero.

Today was a great day at work. I had only 5 kids, sounds so funny when i say that. Today is 1dpo, and i am already imagining things. i must study to keep my mind off it.

Tomorrow i am having some a co worker come over with her husband for a bbq and then karoke after. She is from france and here for a year visa, and my french is so awesome, because she understands almost nothing I say. Now for her, she is starting to understand english. yay!

Tonight is studying and watching anderson cooper!

My good luck charm

2011-09-29T09:05:00.004-04:00

I have been meaning to put this in my car for a bit, but I have gotten preoccupied. So I saw my little box for my cornicello. I still have my old cats collar, Gia that I love dearly, and miss her so much still, so I put my cornicello onto my collar and I will put that on the rear view mirror for the car.

So my car's corinello will match the cornicello that I have, but well, mine is much bigger. lol.

Hopefully that will bring us a lot of luck.

Happy birthday to me!

2011-09-28T18:03:00.009-04:00

Today is my birthday, and I am 30 years old. I am freaking out a bit but I am ok. My wife is 34 so she will always be older than I,haha.

My mother in law has her birthday on the 22nd of september. So this year and last year we celebrated together and went to the same Italian resto. I love it there.

Iza did a great job at organizing the party, and I had a couple of surprises. At this moment she is cooking me dinner, and now i just found out that she burned herself. Its pretty bad, so now i have to be nurse betty and fix that up. lol.

So without further ado, here are some pictures from last weekend. With a lot of izas family. Aunts and uncles, and cousins.

This weekend I will be going with some friends, and my sister in law and brother in law to karoke. Should be fun.

Mother in law & moi!

Dancing to the live music!

My birthday present. My Yellow Puma watch!!!

My sister and law and her bf
My tiramisu cake above, and another cake below.
Happy birthday to me!!

School so far

2011-09-27T18:02:00.000-04:00

Anatomy and Physiology is amazing. Seriously, its so amazing what the body can do and all of its functions.

Chinese Energetic medicine. Wow, amazing, it is so much information, but this is right up my ally.

I cant wait to be an acupuncturist!

Thursday is the day

2011-09-27T11:29:00.001-04:00

So, its a go. Tonight I take the needle at 1030, then thursday will be the day. The day after my bday. On the right side i have a 21, and a 17 and a small one, and then on the other side i have an 11 and 8.

Now i have to call work to ask for either the morning off or the whole day. That means on day 15 i will be inseminated with a new donor. rather than what they think is day 13. yay!

it came, and now its gone

2011-09-26T20:29:00.001-04:00

So, here I am. I got my period sept 15th in the afternoon. I have decided this cycle I am doing what I want, since they always do the same thing all the time. It was a thursday afternoon (which would of been a friday if i called for it) it came. I called them on saturday 17th to say that saturday morning i got my period. So i am giving my poor body a 1.5 day head start. why not. what is the worst that is going to happen. Nothing. Also I cant have my appt fall on a school day, because its going to be so hard to catch up. if i would of done it that way a second ultrasound would of been on that day, and that would of been impossible.

therefore............... tomorrow (tuesday 27th) is my ultrasound. I took femara 5mg days 3-7. So hopefully if all goes well with the appt tomorrow, meaning no cyst still from the meds, or scars on my ovaries from the july retrieval i will be inseminated at the end of the month.

i hope that this is my birthday present. this cycle working. wednesday is my 30th birthday, and i just hope its the one. not hoping to hard, but hoping for sure.

so i am here, just busy with starting a couple of classes.
Anatomy & physiology
chinese energetic medicine
and everything else that happens in life.

when you want it to come, it doesnt

2011-09-12T21:50:00.002-04:00

Still no period. Ya i know.

last period august 6th, had an ultrasound august 13th on cd 8, had some scarring and a cyst from the meds and blood in my uterus. That day I bleed for 3 days. so like cd11 stopped bleeding again. then nothing since august 13th.

so im either way late from august 6th, or Just beginning to be late on the august 13th.

what the hell

come on september give me a great present!

2011-09-06T19:18:00.002-04:00

Good news is, i can do SOMETHING in september. Yes! I was worried she would say october, with my period supposed to be started a couple days ago.

No period yet, ive got cramping though. its cd 32 right now, im 2 days late, but i am 2 days late because i think i am just stressing myself out, and asked my period not to come until after the doctors appointment. Now i will keep repeating all night, come overnight, come overnight.

I have to wait for a phone call to find out where i am on the list for IVF. Until then I can continue with IUI.

This time just femara 5mg cd3-7. no needles, yay!

The pharmacy has already my meds needed for the ivf cycle just in case. so i am all ready to go for either at the moment. which is good.

october would be when my 4 month wait ends/close to ending. so i am ok with iui september. Its just that i am waiting. she had the results on what happened in the ivf failure. 2 eggs were actually fertilized so the sperm was good, it was just my egg wasnt mature enought at the time.

I am ok with how it went today. i have meds for either procedure, new donor, new month.

new hope.

whats next ?

2011-09-04T10:34:00.003-04:00

Tuesday at 3pm, we will be having our doctor appointment to see what is next.
9 iui's
1 canceled IVF
1 round canceled due to scarring from the retrieval of the IVF

I hope we just do IVF from the beginning of an IVF procedure. Instead of it being from a conversion.

My birthday is at the end of september. Ill be 30. The plan was to be pregnant when 30. I have 1 year for that.

I will start 2 classes in september also. Anatomy and physiology, and chinese medicine, then in january its chinese dietetics and herbology. im excited

So, birthday, new donor, hopefully an IVF...... For september

day off

2011-08-11T11:22:00.002-04:00

Last night i started my shots. Yay.

Im off today and friday, and monday. so its a 5 day weekend for me. wow.

so i am just looking over coupons and contests, and then i am off to get 1 dozen bagels free with my purchase of 1 dozen bagels. nice and fresh! i love coupons.

oh, and im riding my bike there. still not comfortable driving standard in all these hills... and alone. nope, never done that yet.

Round 11

2011-08-10T07:07:00.001-04:00

Saturday is my cd 8 appt. Tonight i take my puregon shots, with 1 set of pills still remaining... wonder what will happen this cycle.... iui ? or ivf ?

last night we went to see the broadway show here in montreal The lion king.. it was so amazing. i cried in the beginning. well, just some tears, no sobbing involved.

Big red

2011-08-07T19:16:00.002-04:00

She has come. its day 2 now... started the femara... waiting for my appt still. hoping monday morning, they will call so i can breathe

I love

2011-08-04T07:35:00.001-04:00

when my wife leaves me messages before she goes to work, and I am still sleeping.*you are so pretty when you talk all alone during the night*

Waiting for big red

2011-08-03T20:20:00.002-04:00

Just waiting around for my period to start next week. We have the medication already for what will start as an IUI. After that I cant do another IUI until my drs appt sept 16. Which will then just involve IVF's.

Again, the next cycle could be a conversion if my body responds well to it, making it into an ivf cycle. Who knows, all i know is that egg retrieval is a hard process. I still feel the effects of it.

Saturday we are going to gatineau and spread dads ashes for his birthday in a friends forest, because thats what he wanted. so a 3.5 hour rode trip in a van of family. Fun.

So again still waiting. it will happen when it happens.

A video to watch

2011-07-28T09:39:00.000-04:00

Birds & the bees video

Humor is what we need sometimes.

http://www.mmm-online.com/emd-serono-brings-back-birds-bees-infertility-effort/article/208492/

you need at least one

2011-07-27T09:43:00.003-04:00

and i dont have any. i got the call it didnt divide into something rather. and it is canceled. so now i am waiting for a phone call back to argue to have my other planned iui cycle. since i saw the dr june 29th, i got a prescription for 2 iuis. the first turned into an ivf, so technically i have one iui left. because the lady said i cant do anything until september when i see the dr. wtf. so i am waiting to do my argument on that, so i can do an iui cycle for august, since i have my prescription for it anyways.

i am trying to think that, i would rather not doing it now and having it cancelled than doing it, getting pregnant, and having a miscarriage. that is how i am trying to think.

next cycle no matter what is a new donor.

this fucking sucks.

*** updated: i got the call and i can do my next cycle for august doing an iui. new consent forms are going to be sent, and new donor has been selected. I am ok with it. i am just happy that i can continue instead of having to skip yet another cycle. ******

All you need is one

2011-07-26T19:28:00.003-04:00

Today while i was at work, i got the call from the embryologist.

Out of the 9 they took 18mm-27mm, 5 made it to maturity (whatever that means), 2 were fertilized, out of the 2, 1 was malformed or something and would go into miscarriage she said. so i have one left.

one. all i need is one. here you only get one transferred at a time.

transfer time is tomorrow at 11:50, transfer on a full bladder. Why a full bladder, dont know.

So i started the progesterone shot today. Wasnt as bad as i thought. never had a shot in my ass. so with the x's on my ass from the nurse, i turned and put the needle in. iza did the plunger, and then she took the needle out... she almost passed out. it was the first time she gave me a needle. so i think its always going to be like that. me putting it in, and her just doing the plunger.i would push it in, but its awkward for me. im ok to put it in though.

so tomorrow is the big day. then on thursday at 9 am i go in for an acupuncture appointment.
i have the next 2 days off. other than going to the 2 appts, i will be in bed.

all you need is one.

they have been retrieved

2011-07-25T16:34:00.003-04:00

firstly, i look outside at 730 after iza had told me there was a fire last night and i didnt even know if because the ativan they gave me to take before bed, knocked me out.i looked outside after my shower and there is red tape blocking our way. I saw a cop car blocking the enterance and exit.

of course a panic girl who just took her 2nd ativan (anti anxiety) pill walked out with bare feet and said to the cop, i cant get out ? she said no.... i said, i have my first egg retrieval for my first ivf cycle and i need to get out.. (like a strange crazy chick) and she said, dont worry, when you are ready i will let you out. thank god.

so she lets us out, and we are on our way a bit early 8 am, to be there for 9. there is lots of road work so that means lotsa traffic. this morning was great. got there in 15 minutes, waited in the care for another 15 before going inside.

We speak to the nurse who tells us what is going to happen for the retrieval. the room i havent been in. I laughed a bit to the nurse because my pill kinda got to me. because i refered to the ultrasound instrument as a dildo cam. she laughed, and never heard that before (french people). then gave me my papers and all my meds for the follow up of retrieval and after.

asaphen(asprin enrobe 81 mg) starts today until august 9th (aug 9 is blood test at clinic)
progesterone injection (50 mg) starts tomorrow until august 9th (then if preggy, i can take a pill)
climara patch - one per week i put it on wednesday (i have 2)
cipro 250 mg starting today for 5 days.

the thing with the progestrone, is that Iza has to give it to me. we will see how that goes. seriously. we will see how that goes.

we took some pictures during the procedure, but i havent seen them yet. we got home and i fell asleep for 4 hours.

THE PROCEDURE:
i get an iv in my hand, after they put me in the stirrups and gave me something to keep my blood pressure normal. i have a blood pressure cuff on my arm going every like 5 minutes it seemed like, but she said it was 10 minutes. then i got some stuff that made me dizzy. i was totally awake for the procedure. and then one thing for the pain all in the iv. then the dr came in. one of them that i have seen lots, which made me happy.she gave me 4 needles to my cervix to freeze it the girl from france was so nice.iza translating my drunk talk to the lady.

it hurt, it hurt. ouch. i showed where the pain was a lot and then they gave me more pain med in my iv, which helped but i still felt it. it was weird and crazy. they took out 9, 3 on the right and 6 on left. after the procedure was done. the embroylogist came while still in the surgery room said how many i had, and that she would be calling me tomorrow to tell me the update. either transfer on the wednesday or thursday. which is both going nicely with my cycle i tell you. since today is cd 13.

after i had to stay laying down for 45 minutes, iza brought me my iphone with earphones and i closed my eyes and listened to adele. they gave me juice and then said i had to pee before i left.... good thing i had to pee.

then came back and got dressed. took my hat and slippers with me for keepers. haha. now i am laying in bed drinking gatorade. yuck. and watching tv, and thinkin i might sleep again.

so it was a crazy experience. and i was totally awake for the whole thing....

come on eggies!! do me proud!

monday it is!

2011-07-23T15:27:00.002-04:00

Well the appointment today was good. I thought my u/s guy was totally stupid. but it doesnt matter, i am doing ivf.

monday will be retrieval, and probably thursday is the big day. wow. Thursday. but wait... lets just get one thing done at a time and deal with what is going to happen with monday. monday, im scared.

so its monday. 1030 am is the retrieval time. guess ill bring the camera.

wild.

Getting bigger!

2011-07-22T20:38:00.003-04:00

So my appointment went well. Dr and nurse seemed so happy about the sizes etc. I also had a blood test today.

I didnt get a print off, but i asked the nurse to write down what the dr wrote on the paper.

CD10 , Orgalutran this morning, Repronex 225 iu this evening, tomorrow Orgalutran in am

Right:
19
16
13

Left:
19
17
16
16
14
13
11
11
10

I had to put some ice on my belly when i got back to work it hurts so bad. Tomorrow we have another ultrasound at 8:40 and will more than likely take the trigger shot, and then retrieval would be monday ( i think thats what she said).

I had an osteopath appt after work. It was awesome, She felt my uterus out of place a bit and fixed me up. We will see what happens.

Nothing has really hit me yet. Its just like another procedure, and im not keeping my hopes up too much. after 9 failed iui's .... well ya.

tomorrow is another day

I feel like a bruised peach

2011-07-22T06:39:00.003-04:00

I had a hard time sleeping. one side hurts like #$%?& and the needle i put in this morning is a huge bee sting for like 5 minutes.. just like yesterday. Ouch.

my poor tummy.

we will find out what happens this morning. But you wont have an update until after 6:30 pm my time because i am going to an osteopath appointment after work.

:)

ok.. sit down people...

2011-07-21T18:58:00.003-04:00

We are moving to ivf!!!.... i am passing Go! missing my 4 month waiting list and going straight for it.... There is a party in my ovaries and they are with it.

CD9

Left side:
16.6
16.0
15.6
15.8
12.6
14.3
10.7
9.5
9.6
then 9 smaller ones 3.2-7.8

Right side:
15.3
12.1
then 14 from 2.3-5.9

It was so debatable. i had a guy i never had before and he was great. taking him time. and i was asking a bunch of questions, like always. so in the end we are doing a ... 'conversion'.. meaning. i was supposed to be iui, and now its ivf.

I go again tomorrow. ive been going everyday since wednesday.. well today is thursday, but you know what i mean. now that i am on the IVF list. my appts are sooner! 845 am tomorrow to see whats going on. because they gave me new meds.

Stop the puregon (aka gonal) and onto Orgalutran (f'ing stings!)(i took one this morning in the nurses office), in the mornings, and Repronex (bravelle) 225 ui at night. But for the repronex i just got for one evening. they will give me my meds each day. I dont know how much it all costs, but ill get the bill later. Whatever, visa will take it.

i am freaking out. I get to miss the 2 iui's i was 'supposed' to have.

I got a box with a dvd in it and a bunch of syringes and alcohol pads. I guess i should take a picture, but i am so excited to write this. because i didnt think this would happen.

I am just wondering about the pain part of it. I am just scared of that, i am so used to giving myself needles now, that its not a bother. but someone completely in my area and im not conscience is another thing... yes yes a baby's head coming out is fine... but i am AWAKE for that.

How did you girls experience that part ? what was the worst part? after pain ?

ps heat wave here... with humidity.. like 46 degrees. i cant breathe!

Wow, a lot.

2011-07-20T14:51:00.003-04:00

Ok, so i am back from my appt.

Everyone said my name correctly. that was great. I went in early because there is always so many people there and its overcrowded. I got to go in 30 minutes early which was awesome. On the way home i went to the metro and all my saved time was lost because the metro was down 45 minutes. bummer.

So, what you are waiting for

CD 8 today: cd 2-6 femara 5mg, 100 iu of puregon cd 5-7, tonight 50 iu.

10 follicles-

16.3
14.4
14.3
13.7
11.6
10.4
10.2
10.0
9.8
8.7

I have to go in tomorrow for an u/s to see what is going to happen. I dont want to miss this cycle because of so many and i know that will happen if there are too many big ones. Hence why they said just 50 iu this evening. its only day 8.

Or the alternative is that i have lots and they are big and they will have to do a retrieval and i would get to do an ivf earlier because of that.

who knows.

i just know my belly kinda is awkward sometimes.

until tomorrow!

lots of rain for one hour= lotsa pressure

2011-07-19T18:16:00.001-04:00

This happened in front of my apartment the other day

click on it to watch.. its crazy!

i always see sometimes the caps moving lots. but that has never happened

Is it enough ?

2011-07-18T18:12:00.002-04:00

So 2 shots have been done.... there is 600 iui's in it. and i do 100 each time... but when i watch the plunger thing go in, it seems like it doesnt move so much. and that there is so much still left in the cartridge. Maybe i am being paranoid. Like im not getting enough of the stuff inside my belly. I dont know. that is just my thought.

for some reason, either i am getting used to the needles, or the puregon needle goes in better. lol.

who knows...

everyone but me

2011-07-16T20:58:00.002-04:00

Tonight are the fireworks again. I love watching them. but dont like all the traffic and closed roads here in montreal. That part sucks. Going with my neighbour cindy and her daughter. Like the 3 before we watched. Tonight is australia, on wednesday it was italy. they were great.

This morning we went to marché aux puces (a flea market) and i got a big green turtle sand box with a lid on it for 12 bux.. i got it down from 15. lol. its for oceanna (cindy and james baby, neighbour) for her birthday. She has it now, and cindy is so happy.

Tomorrow night i start the purgeon shot. I am scared. I was "playing" with the needle to see how it works and such and how to reset the twisty thing in case i fuck it up. Now i feel like i broke it. im just being paranoid. I know that, but still, i feel like i broke it.

oh, and i just found out my other brother's (baby bro) gf (who is completely disgusting, and i would love to say other things but that would be bad) is pregnant. and my a half sister is pregnant with her 2nd (she is a hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee party girl, it probably happened by accident like the first when she was 17. hope im next

anyways.

needle tomorrow and finishing the pills tomorrow.
wednesday, appt.
yoga now before the fireworks!

i wouldnt do that if it was adoption...

2011-07-13T20:11:00.003-04:00

Great day at work, next week is going to be even better more kids going on vacation. I LOVE IT!

So i got my call today for my appt. Wednesday 20th, at 1020am. Also this is the last of my donor. So we will have to look up back up plans for the next cycle. Which kind of sucks because since sperm is free here now, i dont have much of a choice of what i want. even when i was paying for it, i didnt see much of what I liked.

But i am starting to think like this..... If we were to adopt, would it matter really? No. So why such an emphasis on exact traits I want. The child will be perfect because he/she is mine. So i shouldnt dwell so much on little details, because i wouldnt do the same thing if we were adopting a child.

i must relax.

on day 3 i will do a yoga sequences until the iui, then continue a couple days after to help destress. the things i learned in my fertility yoga classes.

i must relax

Lets get this show on the road

2011-07-13T07:01:00.002-04:00

Period came this morning.

In 30 minutes I will call to leave my message requesting my ultrasound.

Im ok with the pills, not with having to take the needles. But super curious to know how many eggs it produces.

Yesterday was the first day back at work, and all of my kids were so excited to see me. They see my bike outside and get excited, then come upstairs and then run to me and jump in my arms. it was so cute.

In the afternoon I ended up only having my 4 boys. ( 2 girls are on vacation, and the other 2 girls got picked up early) so i just had my boys, at the park, all to ourselves. I brought some stuff to color and they loved it. Then i ran around the park like a crazy person, and they started chasing me. it was so cute.

Migrane at the end of the day but it was a good day at work. Noah goes on vacation on thursday so i will have 5 kids for 2 days. SO AWESOME.

I laugh sometimes. I work with 8, 2 year olds (now). That is my job. Having 8 is alot, I dont know why the government thinks its ok for that age group for one person. Its a lot of work. When i have 6 or less i am in heaven. Sounds funny huh ? Starting september 8 new little ones at 18 months old. Hopefully ill get pregnant by then and wont have to go. lol.

Have a great work day/bedrest day/day off day/sick day!!

on a break, waiting list for ivf

2011-07-11T08:27:00.002-04:00

I have enjoyed my break. Not much computer time and was on my vacation.

We went camping for a week, just drove and camped. We went to new brunswick and visited isabelles dads family. He grew up there, and none of them could make it to the funeral, so we went for a visit. It was nice, beautiful, and relaxing.

We had to miss june's cycle because they had to cancel my appointment before my next cycle. We got another appt but in between a cycle.

that appt said that:

I will now take femara, and an injection for 5 days, maybe 2 more depending on what the ultrasounds say. I am now on a 4 month waiting list for ivf. I will have 2 more iui cycles then onto ivf. If i respond too well to this medication ill go immediately to ivf because they dont want to inseminate with hyper stimulation. (i cant remember all my technical words, i just woke up).
so we will see what happens. this time i will go in for an ultrasound on cd8 rather than 11 for the first appt.

I am still trying to keep up with my yoga, and breathing. I am really just taking this thing one cycle at a time. its all i can do.

so, 2 more iui's then its ivf.

Not yet

2011-06-14T21:25:00.000-04:00

So, no period this morning. It could probably just show up tomorrow. Since today is 14 dpiui, and i am on cd28. I have 28-30 cds. So I have another couple days to go… ‘technically’.

Was back to work today from being a week off from my father in law’s passing. I was excited to go back to work, just to put some routine back into my life, but who likes to go to work in the end ? The kids made me laugh so much. Also because I had all 8 there, I got down to making the fathers day present. Which btw, is going to be difficult I think. We have planned to have a picnic outside, potluck style with the immediate family. Weather permitting of course.

Its weird. I have/had 3 dads in my life. My biological father, who already passed away when i was 21. My other dad who I grew up with, who I dont speak to anymore because he has a huge problem with me trying to have a child. Then there is my father in law who was so amazing and supportive, and took me right in as his own. And he is gone. It kinda sucks.

Again, still needing that massage. But waiting until I have the go ahead of my belly to tell me to wait.

I hope I have to wait.

Weight on the shoulders

2011-06-13T21:24:00.000-04:00

This has been a battle for sure. I never thought it would take this long. I really didn’t. I dont know why I was so naive. Now i think because I thought it wouldn’t take this long, it will never come. I am doing all that I can do; acupuncture, fertility yoga, eating correctly, etc. There is nothing else I can do. I need to relax. I cant meditate. I’ve tried that. I am so not self disciplined enough to do that.

There has been so much different stresses going on in my life. The biggest stress at the moment is my father in law passing. Now its all this pressure to do the bank thing to find the house. MIL is living with us at the moment, and when we find a house, there will be a suite under it for her. All this was going to be planned in about 3 years, and now its all happening at the moment.

I feel so much stress, pressure, its crazy. I am sure all of this is not good for trying to produce a baby. For sure.

Today is 13dpo. Tomorrow is judgement day when I wake up. Maybe ill be a day late. So we will say if AF doesnt come on the 16dpo, then ill test.

After doing this 9 times I dont even want to waste money anymore on pregnancy tests. Better to get the disappointment from my period, than paying for a stick then getting my period. At least I would have saved myself the 10$ +

Doing the insem’s is so automatic right now. At first it was all, oh, listen to the song playing! Let’s remember this song. Then trying to remember oh, its the 7th iui, on the 7th day, and it has this 7 in it. Its so automatic, taken all the fun out of trying to get pregnant. I wish I still had that enthusiasm about it. Its so hard, when being disappointed each time.

If this cycle doesnt work, I have to do 3 more in order to do ivf. Dr wont let me until I do 12 iui’s without success. I hope I dont have to succumb to that invasion. Yes, i just want to have it, because I think that I have better chances at it, but the whole invasion of it, is not fun.

I need a massage, for sure. A huge spa day. Yes, that is exactly what I need.

#9 wednesday at 10 am

2011-05-31T19:36:00.002-04:00

So last night at 10 pm I injected myself with a needle. Yay.

I got back from my acupuncture appt today at 630

Tomorrow morning at 10 am I will be inseminated. Iza is able to come this time. She has a week and a half off from work to be with dad, so she will go with me, and then go straight to dad afterwords.

I have my fertility yoga at 6 pm, which i will do, since the poses are fine for pregnant women.

I am going to let things as they lay. If it happens, it happens. There is nothing that i can do, that I am not already doing.

Wouldnt it be great to just have ... 'oh, im pregnant' accident!?... if only us dedicated, cycle day counting, linger on every symptom lesbians could have that. it would be lovely.

BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFN

2011-05-18T06:48:00.003-04:00

Whatever.

I am so whatever about everything at this moment. Like I almost give up. I would love to just lay in bed and not go to work, and not do anything. A little depressed ? completely. I am so unmotivated to do anything at work. Prepare activities, or cook dinner here. nothing.

But i am not going to stop, I have no choice, well I have a choice, but if i want ivf, I have to do 12 of these... i just finished #8.

what the hell is wrong with me ?